losing my two best friends................

Today i should have been in  my country  scotland ...at my mothers  funeral .....but  my anger and despise  towards  certain  situations  ....stopped me  from  attending  which  should have been  a  respectful day .....but situations created  by family and long standing fued .....i went home  to see my mum  who was in hospital ...and realised  this  would be my last time i saw  my mother .....it was a journey ..which  caused me  great disteress  and  opened  my  eyes  to  certain things 
I realise  families  despise the  truth ...always ....and unfortunately they only see  the  bad in you  .....its  easier  that way ...they need  someone  to  blame .....i will always be  held   accountable  for  things  i never  did   ...and  forgotten  for what i did  do .....but  its  what they call  family  values .....i will never be  forgiven  ever  ..but i saw  all i needed  to see..pure hypocricy ,..of  families  ...which i   why i never   became a  family oriented ....
i had  to realise  that  my presence in this  very  day  allowed  somone  the  privilege  to enjoy their  health for more time .....as i find it  hard  to  forgive  people  who leech  steal  rip-off and  generally  theive .....i find  it  unforgiveable .....
I  despise the  fact that a family has  to use a  death to pretend they care  for  each other .....but time will tell  .......when they disband  like traitors  just like  when my father  died ...i am deeply saddened  at the loss of  my mother  and  i am happy she is  free  from the  family  underhandedness ...lies  and  disloyalty ........and  competitive   sibling stupidity  ...which has  divided our  family for  decades  .....
my mother is  united  at last  with my father ....a sense of relief  is upon me  as  now this will  maybe  dispell  my beliefs that m family has  values and will unite ......i personally  doubt this  as it  should have  done in my fathers passing ......but lies....dishonesty....stealing ...backstabbing  has  been a  common  root  disease  which my father despised ......so  only time  will  tell ...........