I mean this in the nicest possible way .........fuck off......... you fucking wanker !!!!!!! ..........i know there are all these so called fucking sexuals .......but its all for attention ........ and it is pure bollocks ..........it's mental illness and no fathers there to boot them straight in the balls ...once you get kicked in the fucking balls ......... and they smart for a day or two........... you realize who the fuck you are !!!!!!.....simple !!!!!!! ......goody gumdrops !!!!!! ......a father .........and a good kick in the balls .......... will sort out your stupid fucking shennanigans ..........
I'm Demisexual. Here's What I Want You To Know.
The author and her partner.
I always thought I was broken.
Growing up, when friends always talked about a celebrity being “hot,” I went along with it but didn’t understand how they felt. I have never looked at a famous person, a friend or a stranger and thought “wow, you’re sexy.” Not once. I had crushes, sure, but they never had to do with someone’s appearance. I thought other people were cute only after I developed feelings for them because of their personality.
My friends would gush over the cute guys in school, and I played along. I trusted them entirely so I figured if they thought those boys were cute, they had to be. Right? I never fully understood what it was that was so appealing to them. They were usually nice but I had no idea why my friends wanted to kiss them. I knew close to nothing about most of them. There was no inkling of sexual or physical attraction to people I didn’t know very well even after puberty.
And now, as an adult, I realize that’s exactly what demisexuality is.
I’m attracted to someone only after I develop a deeper emotional connection with them. I can count on one hand the number of men I’ve kissed in my life or have even been attracted to and I have no problem with that number. In no way do I feel that I’ve missed out because, to my body’s inclination, I’d much rather have a seven-hourlong conversation with someone than be physically intimate with them.
The best way to describe it is I am attracted to a person’s personality, not their physical appearance.
For a sexual person, there can be an immediate spark with another person when they first meet. A kind of sudden chemistry that draws two people together from the get-go. For asexual people, those sparks tend not to happen at all, even after time passes. For me, I have only ever gotten that butterflies in the stomach feeling when I’ve known someone really well, and we’ve both shown romantic interest in one another.
I’m a romantic at heart. I’ve just never been a “lock eyes in the bar with a stranger” kind of romantic.
As a demisexual person, when I first meet someone, I just see them. I don’t see their physical characteristics as anything more than just part of who they are. You have great abs? Neat. You have a chiseled jaw? Okay, whatever. It isn’t until I start to get to know what is behind the eyes looking back at me that those physical features catch my eye. I knew I wasn’t asexual for that reason. I do feel attraction, it just takes me a while to get there.
I was 16 when I had my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first real understanding of attraction. I had never wanted to kiss anyone before. He made me feel seen, beautiful and understood. For the first time in my life, someone was really invested in who I was to my very core and wanted to know everything about me. My first kiss was during a movie. He leaned in close to me, and suddenly my stomach was in knots. I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame, and it felt as natural as breathing. Everything my friends had been talking about now made sense. The more I got to know him, the more beautiful he became in my eyes.
Like any other naive high school girl in love, I doted on him. I finally thought I understood what my friends saw in their boyfriends or girlfriends. Maybe this was just my one person for life, I was just lucky enough to find him so young?
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