Skip to main content

you see

 

nice guys always come second always........they say its not true ....but its  is  ///especially whena  girl says you are sweet  ....oit means you are  weak and not  her type .....they want a bad boy always to treat them bad and they can change them ...........dont hate the player.,.........its the game .........women will always play coy but we all know they love  a bad boy .......


The Real Reason Women Don't Want A Nice Guy



woman and man hugging
woman and man hugging© Photo: Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock

I've never been attracted to "nice" guys. From the time I started dating, all through my teens, college, 20's, and now into my early 30's, it's the bad boy I've always wanted. Granted, I have dated nice guys; I even married one.

But for the majority of my dating years, there was always something special about the guy that wasn't so nice.

I can't tell you what, because I don't know. I've always thought it might be some desire in me to "fix" him, to make him nice, because, in my experience, the bad guy was missing his nice qualities due to a rocky past or a family life with some dark secrets. I wanted to save him; I wanted to save all the bad guys. You probably know what I'm talking about. 

RELATED: 5 Things Attractive Women Always Do When They're Out With Guys

We've all heard time and time again that "nice guys finish last," and it appears to be true.

The University of Rochester, the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, and the Interdisciplinary Center (IDC) Herzliya in Israel each conducted studies to see if they could finally find the "possible mechanism" that makes women just so indifferent to nice men on first meetings, yet so gung-go about dudes who don't give them the time of day.

What did they find? Not surprisingly, things are still inconclusive:

Here is the real reason no one wants a nice guy:

"While the studies shed some light on why men find responsive women more sexually desirable… researchers are still unsure why women are less sexually attracted to responsive strangers than men." Well then.

RELATED: 'I Caught My FiancĂ© With A 16-Year-Old Girl At A Coffee Shop & I Don't Know What To Do'

But what was reconfirmed was that while men found women who paid attention to them and responded to them to be attractive, women were actually turned off by such behavior from guys; their possible sexual desire was just killed right there on the spot. Pay attention to us, and we're all, "Meh… where's the dude who's going to ignore me?"

Lead researcher, Gurit Birnbaum, suggested that we might act this way because we perceive niceness in a negative light, "as inappropriately nice and manipulative (i.e., trying to obtain sexual favors) or eager to please, perhaps even as desperate." Desperation is never attractive and if we feel that a man's kindness is just so he can get us into bed, then, of course, we’re going to snub, then eventually reject them. You can't blame a woman for wanting to protect herself.

I asked relationship expert Dina Colada, author of How to Stop Being a Doormat & Get the Love You Want, for her take on the matter. From what Colada has witnessed in her profession, self-esteem plays a big part in why women may turn away from attentive, sweet guys.

"Everyone has low self-esteem to some degree, and in a woman's mind she might be saying to herself, 'I really want a great guy to hitch up with,' but the subconscious part of her brain is running the show. This old programming sabotages her actions and makes her think she's not worthy of a good relationship.

When the conscious and subconscious parts of the brain aren't synced up she says she wants a good relationship but doesn't believe she deserves a good relationship. Believing you are worthy of love is the first step to getting the love that you want," she says.

RELATED: 8 Real-Life Tinder Dates From Hell (As Witnessed By Baristas)

Laurel House, author of Screwing the Rules, has found that for other women steering away from nice guys could be the confusion between their "needs" and "wants."

"At the beginning of the relationship, while feelings are being formed, that open and complete generosity of self [from a nice guy] can feel needy, suffocating, and 'trying too hard.' Women have to get to a point when they realize that she will never be happy if she always gets what she wants, but if she starts focusing on their needs, they will also find that she gets what she wants. And that's when the good guy wins,” says House.

She also points out that women want masculine men because it makes us feel more feminine and therefore more desirable.

Birnbaum, too, suggested that this might be the case and that women may perceive a nice guy who's paying attention to them in a respectful way as being "vulnerable and less dominant." Sadly, these two traits don't bode well with a lot of women, according to research.

I think after this latest series of studies, we can finally conclude that we'll never really know what the hell goes on in a woman's brain, especially when it comes to love and lust. We're far too complicated and high-tech to be figured out, and isn't that a good thing?

For us, it is anyway. Men, relationship experts, and scientists will always have their theories, but being the mysterious creature that is a woman is kinda fun. Let's keep the mystery alive, OK?

RELATED: 8 Great Places To Meet Good Men (As Written By A Good Man)

Amanda Chatel is a regular contributor to Bustle and Glamour, with bylines at Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Livingly, Mic, The Bolde, Huffington Post, and others. 

This article originally appeared on YourTango

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

michael guist of swamp people dies....

Well Michael Guist of the swamp people , died...apparently he  fell over the side of the boat....... Personally i did not think he was that  famous..... But apparently  the history channel  did  three seasons  on people  living in the bayou ......who the hell would wants to live there ). Now as i see it is  absolute ,shit  apart  from a  few, i mean a a few  channels,......... But i got to thinking, is  the history channel  so desperate all they can do is  film a reality TV about  people living in a  swamp....... This  shows you how bad reality TV has gotten ,when the history channel and  the swamp has  nothing to do with history.......well it  could be  if you look at how old it is , but  its  not about the age of the swamp its about people living in swamp ........ Are people reaching an all time low  here in  media, i mean what the hell exciting can be done in a swamp    apart from dying of course  that's up there ...... But the swamp ...i mean  how  do these  guy

geez there is a shocker

Gee ya think only 43 pissed of with china ../////I would think the planet would be  fucking pissed at their  shennanigans ……….  43 countries criticize China at UN for repression of Uyghurs EDITH M. LEDERER Thu, October 21, 2021, 5:51 PM UNITED NATIONS (AP) — More than 40 mainly Western countries criticized China at a U.N. meeting on Thursday for the reported torture and repression of Uyghurs and other religious and ethnic minorities in Xinjiang, keeping a spotlight on the region where foreign governments and researchers say an estimated 1 million people or more have been confined in camps. Cuba followed immediately with a statement on behalf of 62 countries saying what happens in Xinjiang is China’s internal affair, and dismissing all allegations as based on “political motivation” and “disinformation.” China’s U.N. Ambassador Zhang Jun spoke soon after, denouncing “the groundless accusations” and unfounded “lies” and accusing the United States and a few other unnamed signatories of the

well middle of the road

  As i do not like the smell of  weed/dope/smoke......it reminds me of  too many things .....but that's not all....... i  cannot get rid of the smell in places  like cigarettes ......but that in not the  crux of the rant........weed  does something to the transponders  ........although i guess it has  spawned  many songs/babies/deaths/symphonies  ...as we all know conductors are stoners....... ......paintings /artwork/car crashes ........fuck -ups /and of  course the legendary munchies .........i once  watched  a man  devour a mixing bowl of rice krispies ....high as fuck ......epic performance !!!!!!....we never   had  man versus food then .......but that would be a  winner .....but weed it has  its pros and cons ....i don't like it .....never  have  ...i don't like putting smoke or  things in my lungs ....i don't like  getting high ....it usually leads  to paranoia...and i get leery ....so best left alone i think .......if i get high  am not in control and that is not