i am not a psychologist........ or a psychiatrist .........who as soon as kids get out of hand write a script..........
but here is an article 20 parenting mistakes ...........you don't need kids to see what goes on ........simply pay attention to life around you !!!!!
here's my version ......... take it or leave it i simply don't give a rats ass ....
I never had kids .........never wanted them ......for a myriad of reason .....too many too mention .........but i have plenty experience......... and visual experience on what parents do......... and make a mistake ......
and funny enough ......... when you tell parents they are making a mistake .......... they get testy .......... as if they are the kid ambassadors ......
simply here is the mistakes and woes especially in America ....that parents make .....
1.....your kid is not the first coming of Christ ..........for Christs sakes..........the mistakes especially American mothers make is they put the kid before anything ........wrong !!!!!......
the french have a system of respect .........the man is still the head of house ......... even when a kid comes along its till last ......
2.i see it all the time ..........the women carrying the kid it can walk ....let it walk....... it build up strength in its legs ..........i see women carrying the littler buggers on their sides .......they can walk its why they have legs .......
3.don't put the father last....... he is head of the household .........this is why 1 out 3 children.......... are form single parent families .............a child needs a father ........its called balance ......i know some of the liberals are not gonna like it ....but a kid needs a mother and a father ............helps him/her ......they grow up respectful ...........and do not talk to the mother like shit .....
4.the kid cannot have everything ............It should be made to learn to respect the stuff it has ...........i know grandparents are really the promoters of this ....i saw that shit with my own eyes .....
5.the kid has no right to dominate your life........... your its parents get a fucking spine ...........and take charge of your kid ......if you cannot control your kid then you do not deserve one .....simple ........
6.you have to communicate with your kid in a respectful manner ......get on your knees .......... and look them in the eyes .....it always works ............always .....they do not feel threatened
7.i have seen many........ many kids .......young as a hell hit their parents .......this is a big no.......... as soon as they start it one time they have to lose all privileges .......this only leads to an abusive child ......which turns into an abusive adult ....and so on and so forth .......
8.you should never tell your kid they will never amount to a hill of beans.............. or there abouts ....they have to know they have self worth ........or they Will grow up kardashian ......(fucked up in the head and the dad being a bitch )
9.kids got to know values ...handing it everything ..........will just make the kid turn out to be a spoiled bastard ......spoil them with love and respect .........not a material possession to pawn off affection .......seen that one in close quarters .......
10.....as well as the kid respecting you .........it has to respect all people who are related ............ elders .........and people who have seniority ........once again seen this is close quarters ..............as shite parent will raise a shite disrespectful kid .......and will have no respect for its elders ..........
11.kids have to be taught lesson on stealing ...........values......... drugs........... and if you are afraid to confront them.......... because you think it will shock ...........offend them ...then tough ......simple they need to be shocked ......
12....you have to teach them to defend themselves ......... verbally ......... and mentally and physically ........a weak kid will always be picked on .........and bullied ............. and end up like a kardashian .....or similar fucked up piece of shit kid .......
13.self esteem .........and self worth .......beating on your kid mentally Will only lead to worse self image ...........time in = time out ......you will only get out of your kids what you put into them ......simple ...............
14.you have to have family time ........and make it important ..........sitting around a TV dinner ..........and not talking and communicating this is how families fall apart ........ask them constantly whats on their mind .......
15.you must never make the husband feel he is just a paycheck ..........or as source of income to support the kid............s let the man keep his balls.......... and spine .......and he will feel like a man ......trying to be the feminist mommy.......... and do it all is not good ...........your not fucking superwoman your a mother .......yep a mother!!!!!!.....you are not the friend to the kids .....your the parent ,,,,,,, and parents make rules .........
16.don't lie to your kids ,,,,,,,,, when they confront you .....tell them the truth ...its always better i the long run .......
17.don't live your dream through your children ............ and make them seem they are doing what they want.......... when its what you want ............because you lost your dream ......you cannot live your dream through your kids .....let them decide what they want .....not what you want .....if the kid wants something let them do it .........
18.you kid is not that special kid ......don't act like its the only fucking kids in the universe .........and be an asshole ..........other people kids are cute an all .......don't use your kid as a self image prop ...........to make you feel good about your life ..........its their life .......
19.......... your kids are not collateral in anyway shape or form ...........using them as a bartering tool ...........or as a bribing mechanism to satisfy your own goals ............. only proves your a sadistic ........... evil cunt of the highest order ......using kids to bribe your husband.......(especially in marital grounds of disagreement.......separation......divorce.....)...... or grandparents ............(shit i fucking spent a lot of time seeing that bribery bollocks with my parents).............kids remember trauma ..........and it damages them in some way or another ........you may think it doesn't but it does .........
20.and lastly............ they only emulate what they see ...............if they see bad ..........they do bad .............monkey see ....monkey do...............if the kid sees you being a disrespectful cunt and getting away with it .............it will follow ......show yourself respect........... and the kid will follow by your example .......
you only get one chance with kids .....there are no dress rehearsals in life .......before you know it the kid is bringing its own kid home ........
cherish their childhood.......... let them live the childhood............... and then they will pass on their cherished memories ..........
a family will become strong if you fight for what is right .....just walking away and simply divorcing .........only leaves bad memories ......
children need a harmonious balance of parents.......
I am not an ambassador of marital bliss............ or life matters .....but i have witnessed............. and experienced enough and saw enough ............ to clarify .....what i think may help .......its only a blog .......and opinions differ ........one to another ......even if one person walks away with a piece of advice ....then it's all worth it ........
The Most Common Parenting Mistakes
I'm a Family Psychologist and These Are the 20 Most Common Parenting Mistakes I See
Most parents try to do what's best for their children. What happens when we don't even realize our behavior is harmful? Our friends at Fatherly share with us 20 common partenting mistakes.
What are some common mistakes parents make that could actually hurt their children's mental and physical health in the long term?
I have seen so many good intentions go horribly wrong over the years that can result in self-harm, suicide and, in extreme cases, even murder. Here are some of the most common mistakes that can be really harmful to kids.
1. Giving Them Too Many Choices
Many parents think children always should have endless choices, when the reality is kids can be overwhelmed if they're always given so many options.
2. Praising Them For Everything They Do
It's very common now to see kids who are almost junkies for praise. They won't do anything unless there is a payoff for them.
3. Trying to Make the Child Happy
Their job is to learn to make themselves happy, and you can never force a child to be happy.
4. Overindulging Them
They will almost always end up believing acquisitions lead to happiness. This sets up chasing the never-satisfying carrots, and can result in addictions and compulsions.
5. Keeping Them Too Busy
Most commonly with sports. Many parents wrongly believe "activities" will keep their kid out of trouble, but often times this will lead to the child being burned out or even becoming a bully.
6. Thinking Smart Will Save Them
It can be tempting for parents to promote smart as the end-all-be-all. Yet this can lead to a child becoming arrogant, thinking everyone else is stupid or secretly believing that they have to put on an act and are a fraud. As a result, nobody likes them.
7. Thinking a Strict Religion Will Give Them Perfect Values and Save Them
The first time they see hypocrisy in their parents or the touted beloved leaders, the house of cards start to fall.
8. Withholding Common Information About Important Topics — Like Sex
Many parents are terrified of talking about sex, and believe avoiding discussing it with their children will save them. But I've seen 13-year-old girls get pregnant, sometimes just to flaunt it at their parents.
9. Being Hyper-Critical of the Child's Mistakes
It can be easy to assume intense scrutiny promotes success and makes kids better. But kids raised this way are driven to perfection in everything from looks, likability, sports, smarts, or you name it. When a mistake happens, they are worthless as a human being and start getting so angry that in some cases they will resort to self-harm even to the point of suicide.
10. Using Shame, Shunning, or Threats
Never imply that there is a chance you might not love your child due to their actions, as some parents do so in order to get their kids to achieve compliance. It is a short term gain with abandonment lurking in the shadows. Then the child doesn't care either.
11. Making Kids Do Things Inappropriate For Their Age
I have 3 patients right now who, by age 4, were having to feed themselves and/or had to be in charge of a sibling also. I've seen many who didn't have children of their own because as they all said; "I raised my family."
12. Not Limiting Screen Time
Whether it's TV, video, games, phone or texting. I know a family where the mom and teenage son text each other constantly and no one else can get into their relationship link.
13. Not Letting Kids Get Bored
Some parents think children are supposed to be stimulated at all times and it's their job to avoid boredom. Then kids don't learn to be creative and find the way out of boredom in themselves.
14. Protecting Kids From Their Own Consequences and Loss
I see parents with good intentions get their kids everything, from a simple toy to buying them out of legal trouble, and suddenly are surprised when the child respects nothing. All of us need to learn losing is just another way to gain wisdom and experience about what not to do.
15. Not Letting Kids Play Dangerously
The Forest Kindergarten schools have shown the children get sick less, are more well adjusted and also get along better than their regulated indoor peers.
16. Not Debriefing Kids at Bed Time
"What happened today?" Children sleep better and feel loved when the parent shows an interest in what happened that was significant to them in their own lives.
17. Not Reading to Very Young Children
Reading requires the child to be still, be quiet, and use their imagination. All the things videos don't. It prepares them for listening in school and being able to use their imagination for creativity and alternatives as a resource.
18. Pulling Pacifiers Too Soon
Parents know the pacifier is an outward symbol of insecurity, so they tend to take it away as soon as they can, instead of getting the child secure where it would drop-out naturally. I have adult patients who secretly suck their thumbs.
19. Not Regulating Food
And especially inquiring: "Are you full?" When this happens, typically your kid will load the plate again. That is an old survival program from our heritage as scarcity, when food was not available. Kids then chase a full-filled sensation, not understanding each time you fill yourself, your stomach adapts to that as normal and expands.
20. Spanking Children Older Than 5
Parents think it will teach them to be good, but using corporal punishment never works as well as love. I see all kinds of patients where the concept of 'Spare the rod — spoil the child' was anything but. No spoiling, just oppositional, angry, bullying, deceiving, fearful or performing automatons.
Author Mike Leary is a psychologist who primarily deals with relationships and parenting.
