Super Bowl ads 2015: Grading the best and worst of the Big Game
By Jay Busbee13 hours agoShutdown Corner
Super Bowl XLIX is in the books and that means it's time to hand out our annual report card tallying the winners and losers of the high-priced commercial breaks.
Nationwide will end up being the most talked-about ad but for all the wrong reasons. The company's spot featuring a dead child elicited a negative response from just about everyone.
But there were plenty of other spots that resonated well with the audience whether they featured a 1970s sitcom or everyone's favorite dad from Albuquerque. Our grades can be found below.
GRADE: A
Snickers: Danny Trejo/Marcia Brady
You absolutely cannot beat Danny Trejo threatening vengeance of an eye for an eye in the Brady Bunch universe. (We all wanted that, especially for Cousin Oliver.) Combine the stinger of Steve Buscemi at the end, and you’ve got yourself a perfect Super Bowl ad.
You absolutely cannot beat Danny Trejo threatening vengeance of an eye for an eye in the Brady Bunch universe. (We all wanted that, especially for Cousin Oliver.) Combine the stinger of Steve Buscemi at the end, and you’ve got yourself a perfect Super Bowl ad.
eSurance: Walter White
Oh, Walter White, star of "Breaking Bad," a chemist once again. We miss you so very, very much. This was outstanding.
Oh, Walter White, star of "Breaking Bad," a chemist once again. We miss you so very, very much. This was outstanding.
BMW: Newfangled Idea
Nice touch here, using old footage from Bryant Gumbel and my co-worker Katie Couric trying to figure out “What is Internet?” (Don’t laugh, you didn’t know what “Internet” was in 1994, either.) No idea what kind of ride BMW is really pushing here, but after that ad, I’m not going to look stupid by admitting that.
Nice touch here, using old footage from Bryant Gumbel and my co-worker Katie Couric trying to figure out “What is Internet?” (Don’t laugh, you didn’t know what “Internet” was in 1994, either.) No idea what kind of ride BMW is really pushing here, but after that ad, I’m not going to look stupid by admitting that.
Nationwide: Invisible Mindy Kaling
Nice little bit here from Kaling, going in for a smooch on Matt Damon. We'd go for more cash than ice cream if we were invisble, but that's just us.
Nice little bit here from Kaling, going in for a smooch on Matt Damon. We'd go for more cash than ice cream if we were invisble, but that's just us.
Dove Men+Care: Real Strength
This ad was the greatest ad ever in the history of ads because dads should always do everything their kids tell them to because kids grow up too fast. (This grade written by my kids.) Seriously: cheap heartstring-pulling that’s surprisingly effective on dads, probably totally ineffective on anybody without kids. This grade is for our dads, Dove.
This ad was the greatest ad ever in the history of ads because dads should always do everything their kids tell them to because kids grow up too fast. (This grade written by my kids.) Seriously: cheap heartstring-pulling that’s surprisingly effective on dads, probably totally ineffective on anybody without kids. This grade is for our dads, Dove.
Avocados from Mexico: First Draft
Nice spin on an old "Chappelle Show" bit. Sorry, polar bear. No Mexico for you.
Nice spin on an old "Chappelle Show" bit. Sorry, polar bear. No Mexico for you.
Microsoft: Estella’s Brilliant Bus
What a cool idea, a mobile technology bus. We give this grade to Estella, but we guess you’re OK for helping her out, Microsoft.
What a cool idea, a mobile technology bus. We give this grade to Estella, but we guess you’re OK for helping her out, Microsoft.
Doritos: Airplane Seat
You show me a person who is excited to file onto a plane, I'll show you a person who has consumed far too many Doritos.
You show me a person who is excited to file onto a plane, I'll show you a person who has consumed far too many Doritos.
SquareSpace: DreamingWithJeff.com
Maybe Jeff Bridges is yanking our chain with this whole “DreamingWithJeff” business, maybe he’s not. Either way, The Dude automatically gets an A grade, even though that’s just, like, my opinion, man.
Maybe Jeff Bridges is yanking our chain with this whole “DreamingWithJeff” business, maybe he’s not. Either way, The Dude automatically gets an A grade, even though that’s just, like, my opinion, man.
Clash of Clans
You cannot beat Liam Neeson in a Super Bowl ad. If you do, he will hunt you down and use all the means at his disposal to get you to reconsider your grade. Trust me on this.
You cannot beat Liam Neeson in a Super Bowl ad. If you do, he will hunt you down and use all the means at his disposal to get you to reconsider your grade. Trust me on this.
Always: Like A Girl
Really? Really? This is another criticism-proof ad, because overtop of the product pitch is a great message. Saying someone does anything athletic “like a girl” is a nasty insult. On the other hand, saying someone’s “about as honest as a Super Bowl ad agency” still has some sting to it.
Really? Really? This is another criticism-proof ad, because overtop of the product pitch is a great message. Saying someone does anything athletic “like a girl” is a nasty insult. On the other hand, saying someone’s “about as honest as a Super Bowl ad agency” still has some sting to it.
Bud Light: Real Life Pac Man
I WANT THIS. If the opportunity to play on a real-life Pac Man Board is not an option for any red-blooded Bud Light-drinking American, this grade instantly drops to a D. Your choice, Bud Light.
I WANT THIS. If the opportunity to play on a real-life Pac Man Board is not an option for any red-blooded Bud Light-drinking American, this grade instantly drops to a D. Your choice, Bud Light.
NASCAR: Nick Offerman Promo
NASCAR returns to NBC, and who better to promote it than the man who never met a meal he wouldn’t fry in bacon grease, Nick Offerman. The star of “Parks & Rec” brings the right combination of American hero worship and jerky-salt wit to this particular promo.
NASCAR returns to NBC, and who better to promote it than the man who never met a meal he wouldn’t fry in bacon grease, Nick Offerman. The star of “Parks & Rec” brings the right combination of American hero worship and jerky-salt wit to this particular promo.
GRADE: B
Toyota: Amy Purdy/Muhammad Ali
An appropriately inspiring montage of Purdy's activities backed by a pulsing beat and Ali quotes. It’ll make you want to get off the couch and do something, though maybe not “buy a new car.”
An appropriately inspiring montage of Purdy's activities backed by a pulsing beat and Ali quotes. It’ll make you want to get off the couch and do something, though maybe not “buy a new car.”
Tomorrowland: Movie trailer
No idea what it's about, but it looks intriguing enough. Rocket ships? Retro-future architecture? George Clooney being all mysterious-like? We're willing to wait for the next installment.
No idea what it's about, but it looks intriguing enough. Rocket ships? Retro-future architecture? George Clooney being all mysterious-like? We're willing to wait for the next installment.
Budweiser: Best Buds
Oh COME ON. ENOUGH WITH THE SAD ANIMAL ADS, BUDWEISER. This ad looks like it was genetically blended in a laboratory to induce maximum AWWWW from your Super Bowl viewing party, from the precious pup in the rain to the noble Clydesdales to the somber funeral version of “500 Miles,” one of the most upbeat songs of all time. And it works, gosh darn it.
Oh COME ON. ENOUGH WITH THE SAD ANIMAL ADS, BUDWEISER. This ad looks like it was genetically blended in a laboratory to induce maximum AWWWW from your Super Bowl viewing party, from the precious pup in the rain to the noble Clydesdales to the somber funeral version of “500 Miles,” one of the most upbeat songs of all time. And it works, gosh darn it.
Weight Watchers: Binge
You put down the 16th chicken wing when that one came on, didn't you? And then you picked it right back up again when no one was looking.
You put down the 16th chicken wing when that one came on, didn't you? And then you picked it right back up again when no one was looking.
Mophie: All-Powerless
Seems like a zombie apocalypse flick, ends up being an ad for a phone charger. Dead smartphone batteries are far more terrifying than zombies, in my opinion.
Seems like a zombie apocalypse flick, ends up being an ad for a phone charger. Dead smartphone batteries are far more terrifying than zombies, in my opinion.
Victoria’s Secret: In the Mood
Eh, it’s Victoria’s Secret models wearing wings and not much else. That’s plenty of folks’ thing, so it goes over well. More fun than watching the ad: watching the nervous husbands’ faces at the Super Bowl party when they get a little too interested in this one.
Eh, it’s Victoria’s Secret models wearing wings and not much else. That’s plenty of folks’ thing, so it goes over well. More fun than watching the ad: watching the nervous husbands’ faces at the Super Bowl party when they get a little too interested in this one.
GRADE: C
Game of WarKate Upton on horseback is always a safe bet for a certain viewer segment. How on earth does an app have enough money to buy a Super Bowl ad, though? We're all of us in the wrong business.
Carnival Cruise Lines: Come back to the sea
Weaving in a JFK quote and some shots of ships that look amazingly impressive on HD, Carnival comes up with a solid ad that'll be reusable for awhile because you don't get sick of it after just one viewing.
Weaving in a JFK quote and some shots of ships that look amazingly impressive on HD, Carnival comes up with a solid ad that'll be reusable for awhile because you don't get sick of it after just one viewing.
Skittles: The usual way
We expect strangeness from Skittles, and they don't disappoint, delivering an ad where everyone apparently arm-wrestles for Skittles. They do make more of those, you huge-armed freaks.
We expect strangeness from Skittles, and they don't disappoint, delivering an ad where everyone apparently arm-wrestles for Skittles. They do make more of those, you huge-armed freaks.
T-Mobile: Kim Kardashian
We’re still not sure Kim knows this is really a joke. If she thinks this is a real charitable effort, this instantly vaults to an A. Overall decent enough gimmick and the Kardashian angle will no doubt cause a bit of hasty explanation to parents, but come on --- it’s a Kardashian, the C- at best of American culture.
We’re still not sure Kim knows this is really a joke. If she thinks this is a real charitable effort, this instantly vaults to an A. Overall decent enough gimmick and the Kardashian angle will no doubt cause a bit of hasty explanation to parents, but come on --- it’s a Kardashian, the C- at best of American culture.
Terminator: Genesys
Why the heck would you make a Terminator that looks old? Is that some kind of self-consciously retro move on the part of SkyNet? That's like if the iPhone 7 was a brick with an antenna that you had to extend. The flipping school bus was a nice touch, though. Hang on tight, kids.
Why the heck would you make a Terminator that looks old? Is that some kind of self-consciously retro move on the part of SkyNet? That's like if the iPhone 7 was a brick with an antenna that you had to extend. The flipping school bus was a nice touch, though. Hang on tight, kids.
Nissan: Cat's in the Cradle
Please please PLEASE can we have a moratorium on emotionally manipulative ads? Come on. "Cat's in the Cradle" plus growing kid plus crying mom plus dad with sad eyes? Really? We're just trying to enjoy the game here, Nissan. Stop making us feel guilty for not spending this time swinging our kid around in the yard.
Please please PLEASE can we have a moratorium on emotionally manipulative ads? Come on. "Cat's in the Cradle" plus growing kid plus crying mom plus dad with sad eyes? Really? We're just trying to enjoy the game here, Nissan. Stop making us feel guilty for not spending this time swinging our kid around in the yard.
WeatherTech.com
This ad seemed nice enough, but I was still rattled from the Nationwide dead-kid ad, so I fear I didn't give it a realistic assessment.
This ad seemed nice enough, but I was still rattled from the Nationwide dead-kid ad, so I fear I didn't give it a realistic assessment.
Microsoft: Empowering
Microsoft: "We see your ads with kids, ads with pulls on the heartstrings, ads with prosthetic limbs, and raise you: an ad with a kid with prosthetic limbs that pulls on your heartstrings!"
Microsoft: "We see your ads with kids, ads with pulls on the heartstrings, ads with prosthetic limbs, and raise you: an ad with a kid with prosthetic limbs that pulls on your heartstrings!"
NFL: Domestic Violence PSA
We do not trust the NFL one bit when it comes to domestic violence. But that 911 disguised-pizza call, which apparently was real, is yet another chilling ad in the most downbeat Super Bowl ad montage in history.
We do not trust the NFL one bit when it comes to domestic violence. But that 911 disguised-pizza call, which apparently was real, is yet another chilling ad in the most downbeat Super Bowl ad montage in history.
American Family Insurance: Dream Fearlessly
Quality reference to the old Edward Hopper painting Nighthawks here.
Quality reference to the old Edward Hopper painting Nighthawks here.
Kia: Pierce Brosnan
We’re not nearly as entranced with Hollywood meetings as Hollywood is, but this is a cute enough ad starring onetime James Bond Pierce Brosnan.
We’re not nearly as entranced with Hollywood meetings as Hollywood is, but this is a cute enough ad starring onetime James Bond Pierce Brosnan.
Dodge: Born Dodge
Old people in closeup = reason to regret that HDTV. Some decent life lessons within, however.
Old people in closeup = reason to regret that HDTV. Some decent life lessons within, however.
GRADE: D
TurboTax: Boston Tea PartyLook, try all you want, TurboTax, you're not going to convince us that filing our taxes is fun. Also, does this ad make you the British Empire and us the revolutionary peasants? We're still the good guys, right?
Lexus: Make Some Noise
This one's for the auto fetishists only. Stop dancing around my pretty car, people! You're gonna scratch it!
This one's for the auto fetishists only. Stop dancing around my pretty car, people! You're gonna scratch it!
Coca-Cola: Bullies on the Internet
Aside from the total assault on the senses that is the opening part of this ad, since when did Coke ever calm anybody down? Decent attempt at a postmillenial spin on the classic "I'd like to buy the world a Coke" ad from the '70s, but still ... a little too on-the-nose there with the scene-setting, Coke.
Aside from the total assault on the senses that is the opening part of this ad, since when did Coke ever calm anybody down? Decent attempt at a postmillenial spin on the classic "I'd like to buy the world a Coke" ad from the '70s, but still ... a little too on-the-nose there with the scene-setting, Coke.
McDonald’s: Pay With Lovin’
This is … look, no way around it, this is weird. When you’re going into a McDonald’s, you’re generally not interested in having a cashier determine whether you’re appropriately loving or not. Enforced affection may be the only substance with more calories than a McDonald’s Big Mac Meal.
This is … look, no way around it, this is weird. When you’re going into a McDonald’s, you’re generally not interested in having a cashier determine whether you’re appropriately loving or not. Enforced affection may be the only substance with more calories than a McDonald’s Big Mac Meal.
Fiat: Blue Pill
Kids, ask your parents why the old man wants that blue pill so badly, and what it did to the car.
Kids, ask your parents why the old man wants that blue pill so badly, and what it did to the car.
GoDaddy, Hardworking Guy
After getting grief for its "too hot for TV" ad in which a puppy got sold, GoDaddy had to act fast, and this highly not offensive one was the result.
After getting grief for its "too hot for TV" ad in which a puppy got sold, GoDaddy had to act fast, and this highly not offensive one was the result.
Jeep: This Land
Nice idea, showing all of America and beyond to the tune of "This Land." Where have we heard that before, except for pretty much every other Super Bowl ever?
Nice idea, showing all of America and beyond to the tune of "This Land." Where have we heard that before, except for pretty much every other Super Bowl ever?
Loctite: Dance
It’s glue. Come on. It’s glue. We don’t need an earworm-tune Super Bowl ad. It’s glue. Let's not lose all perspective here.
It’s glue. Come on. It’s glue. We don’t need an earworm-tune Super Bowl ad. It’s glue. Let's not lose all perspective here.
Doritos: Pigs Fly
Yep, this is an ad that delivers exactly what it promises, and not a bit more.
Yep, this is an ad that delivers exactly what it promises, and not a bit more.
GRADE: F
Nationwide: Childhood Accidents
WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL, NATIONWIDE? That is the most depressing commercial I have ever seen in my life. Really! Dead kids at the Super Bowl? Fire your ad agency. Then re-hire them, make them watch that ad 50 times, then fire them again.
WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL, NATIONWIDE? That is the most depressing commercial I have ever seen in my life. Really! Dead kids at the Super Bowl? Fire your ad agency. Then re-hire them, make them watch that ad 50 times, then fire them again.
Mercedes: Tortoise and Hare
You know, when an ad goes exactly where you know it’s going to go, all the tricked-up music and attitude doesn’t help you one bit. Not a single bit of this ad was in any way intriguing.
You know, when an ad goes exactly where you know it’s going to go, all the tricked-up music and attitude doesn’t help you one bit. Not a single bit of this ad was in any way intriguing.
____
Jay Busbee is a writer for Yahoo Sports. Contact him at jay.busbee@yahoo.com or find him on Twitter.
Jay Busbee is a writer for Yahoo Sports. Contact him at jay.busbee@yahoo.com or find him on Twitter.
And keep up with Jay over on Facebook, too.
