Friday, December 13, 2024

DUMP HIM HE IS NOT G OING TO IMPROVE

 

Bathing in self pity........... never  solves  fuck all ......... she  needs  to move on..........  he is   self   loathing........... and  needs a  fucking  foot  up his  ass..........    the whole  love   thing ..........  he  knows   she  will  not  leave ........  so he is  milking it .........it is not  hard  to  figure out .........  if  she    left  him ....... he  would  have  to  either  pick  his  shit up !!!!!!! .........or die!!!!!!.......much better  ......... to what he  has  now   ........i have no sympathy ......... for  the  weak ..........who do not  fight .........


Dear Abby: My unemployed husband smells, drinks, and has nothing to live for

Stressed, unhappy man experiencing severe earache sitting in front of a window
Dear Abby advises the wife of a depressed man who is struggling with his mental health.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is miserable. Five years ago, he was fired from his job of more than 25 years, and the small issues he had with depression, alcohol and smoking have multiplied exponentially. He sleeps until 10 or 11 a.m., showers only two or three times a week, rarely eats and has a drink in his hand by 4 or 5 p.m. every day. He now suffers from COPD but has no plans to quit smoking. He would never consider therapy.

My husband has lost so much weight and muscle mass, he’s barely recognizable. He seems to miss sex, but even if he made an advance, his lack of physicality would make it miserable. Anyway, I’m no longer interested. He was never an affectionate person, but now he has poor personal hygiene, his breath smells of liquor and his hands smell of tobacco.

Beyond the quiet misery of home, it’s tough for him to go out. He has a hard time with stairs, walking very far and even ordering from a restaurant. I feel he is trying to hasten his own death. I honestly feel there is nothing I can do that I haven’t already done. I’m fine, but numb. Do you have any advice for me? — HOPELESS IN KANSAS

DEAR HOPELESS: Your husband seems to feel he has nothing to live for. You mentioned that he seems to miss sex but is now in such bad shape that you are no longer interested. Have you told him the reason you are no longer interested is that he’s no longer the person you fell in love with, and a giant step in the right direction would be for him to consult his doctor about his depression? If the answer is no, consider offering him that “carrot.” If he’s willing to try to get back on track, you might feel differently.

There are nicotine substitutes for the truly addicted, which help users inhale fewer damaging byproducts. People with COPD can get some exercise with the help of supplemental oxygen, a subject that should also be discussed with his doctor. That said, the bottom line is your husband has to WANT to help himself. If he doesn’t, it may be time for you to locate the nearest Al-Anon group (al-anon.org/info) and attend some meetings, which will help you to recognize that his self-destructive behavior is not your responsibility and only he can help himself.

DEAR ABBY: A longtime friend is now a widow and doesn’t have time to connect anymore. I have invited her for coffee and for dinner and sent notes of support. She waits days, even weeks to respond and has other social things to do. I understand loss and grief, but this feels like “NO. Go away,” with a stiff arm. I guess it’s time to go away. Right? — UNEXPECTED IN INDIANA

DEAR UNEXPECTED: You may have been overwhelming this woman in your attempt to comfort her. Depending on how long ago she lost her husband, it may be better for you to step back and allow her to regain her balance. The more you push her, the further she will distance herself.


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