DENNY A TRUE FUCKING SHITHOLE ............................

 

Yes folks........ i lived  here  ...we moved form  glasgow........ to this  fuckin place ......i am not sure  why........ we  moved   ...but i hated  this place  ..........from   day one........  the school........  the  whole town hated  us  ........we  were known as  glasgow  overspill ......but worse of  all .......it  was a   very  ......very religiously  divided  town .........i  hated the  weather.........   every thing ........i was  a  born  glaswegian.......... and  never  ever  fitted in this  shit  hole  ......and my  friends  here........ wonder  why i do not   go back  .........there  is nothing there ........     except  cold  shit weather  ....... and  miserable  people  ........ and   you  can bet you balls  to a barn  dance........  the  very same  people ...... are   still drinking at the  same  bar....... and  same  barstool ......not  kidding !!!!!!.......it is  what we  refer  to as  a breeding stalls .......and  the  drugs .........and  suicide........  is   rampant ......of  course   born   denny punters  will tell ye  its a   quaint  wee place  ........until  you mention about re  chem ........ which   caused  loads  of  shit  ......but if you are  born in a shit hole  then  a  shithole  is   all you need ..........i lived in Jonesboro  arkansas  ......exactly  the  same   shithole  mentality ......  breeding   ground  ........   only    jonesboro  had   200  churches....... and  200 banks ........and  a massive   hospital ........go figure ......

The Bonnybridge Bugle

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DENNY WORST TOWN IN SCOTLAND

Denny residents are FUMING after their town was named one of the WORST towns in the UK whilst neighbouring Bonnybridge was identified as one of the best places to live in Central Scotland.

The recent study, commissioned by the BCC, placed Denny bottom of the table for standard of living in Scotland, and cited factors such as littering, architecture, facilities, and collective IQ in the decision. Only Luton and Slough were below Denny in the study's UK result.

Despite the town centre undergoing refurbishment after residents pleaded to be awarded the 2010 Carbuncle award, the Falkirk District town was rated lowly in a new separate piece of study with visiting researchers ACCOSTED by inebriated locals.

Meanwhile Bonnybridge fared well, entering the top ten, and gaining a special commendation for 'most improved town'.

'Denny has little of note to recommend it as a place to live,' said researcher, Rita Emweap. 'We found it to be a dirty place with very few redeeming factors.'

Like many of the towns rated 'poor', Denny exists in the shadow of a salubrious neighbour. For example, with Peterborough, there is nearby Cambridge; in Huddersfield, there's Leeds; in Sunderland, Newcastle. Where Bonnybridge has green space, attractive shops, and a motivated population, Denny was deemed to be 'full of car parks strewn with Greggs sausage roll wrappers; and any grassy area is blighted with empty cans of Scotmid own brand lager and dog dirt. Locals wander the street aimlessly, pausing only perhaps to lift a damp fag end out of a gutter, or to trade mindless sectarian jibes with a similarly dim-witted acquaintance.'

Bonnybridge has also drawn praise for its wonderful new mural on the gable end of a building at its recently renovated supermarket, whereas Denny's half hearted copycat attempt at restoring civic pride - a barely visible daub beside a burnt-out, pissed-in phone booth - pales in comparison.

'Could they no' afford a ladder?' moaned one local.

In the culinary category, Denny fared extremely poorly with a standard average evening meal of Iceland chicken dippers and potato waffles providing scant nutritional benefit for families.

'Typically, a Denny born person will only be able to stomach beige or brown food,' explained nutritionist Russell R Berger. 'If someone from Denny was to be able to afford the bus fare to Bonnybridge and taste something as exotic as, say, the nachos from Cafe Retro, then I fear the overwhelming taste, colours and texture would be too much for their senses, and there'd be hospitalisation at best; worst case scenario - a fatality. '

When researchers from the BCC ( Bonnybridge Community Council) commissioned independent study visited the two towns, they reported how they were struck by the disparity between the two.

The report states: 'Bonnybridge is a vibrant, diverse town with plentiful parks and the townspeople have an optimistic outlook on life.

'When we visited Denny, dead eyed teenagers surrounded our car, banging on the windows, asking us to buy them cans of Dragon Soup out the Co-op.'

'We looked over to the newly renovated town centre where we saw a jobby on a bench- evidently a human one. There was a bath towel beside it and the culprit had clearly used the towel to wipe their backside and left it for mangy pigeons to peck at. '

'We waded our way through the discarded Buckfast bottles and plastic off licence bags to try and find some recreational green space, but we ended up lost in a maze of soulless housing estates, haunted faces staring at us through grease smeared windows, whilst their children played with broken push chairs and half bricks in concrete gardens.'

'We hurriedly made our way to Bonnybridge to escape the despair, but made the ill-advised decision to stop at the local Sainsbury to pick up lunch. Sadly, all they had on offer in the takeaway bit was cocktail sausages and crisps.'

'A woman pushing a beaten old pram, wearing a unicorn onesie with grass stained knees, and what looked like egg down her front, approached us yelling wildly about' scratchcards this' and 'ripoff that' and swearing uncontrollably. My colleague asked her to mind her language in front of a child, but then we noticed it was a dog in the pram. '

'You don't get dogs in prams in Bonnybridge.'

Local Denny Councillor, Lois Steem, defended her ward. "We may not be as glamorous as LA, Rome, Paisley, or London, but Denny folk are kind, generous and warm. '

'When local yobs vandalised an Asian man's house and beat him up and wrote racist graffiti all over his walls, who cleaned it up?

'Some other Denny folk, that's who. So I won't hear a word against Denny.'

Meanwhile, Bonnybridge Community Councillor, Sally Brious, was celebrating the result. 'When we commissioned this survey, we had no idea we'd be top. Although we've an advantage being so close to a crap town like Denny, it's still a tribute to all the hard work volunteers have put in over the years.'

All reactions:

251

Nightcall

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Posted October 27, 2013

Gentlemen,

I give you,

Denny.

The front and back view of the town centre.

It's where the local shops, hairdressers, barbers, mp , police station and Celtic pubs are all packed into one place.

Those luxury flats you see with the rustic 1970's look ( were ) home to the towns junkies and deviants. I say were because those flats have now since been knocked down which is a slight improvement.

Denny was voted Scotland's worst town last year...

Two most important features of Denny should you ever find yourself there is the wallet emptying petrol station and 4 exit roads to pick upon your escape.

Denny, the only place I've known to consider a levelling of its town centre to be an improvement.