its been one week .......

It has been one week  since my mother  was  cremated .....and  due  to certain  circumstances  involving  family  indifference's  ....i could not  attend  my mothers  funeral .........

As  per usual  i  had  take abuse( i don't  consider it abuse  ...more like ignorance )  from  certain people who  have no idea  what one hand is telling the other .....

As fortune would have it  i have a tremendous member who has  always taken  care of  family  problems ....he is brother in law whom i deeply respect ....as  he  has  stood  by my sister  through  thick and thin ...turmoil ......winter  ..spring  ...summer  fall .....

i can only  and have  thanked  him  for being there  in  both my parents  deaths....i could not  attend  my fathers  funeral ...because of my status  in America ......


and this  time  i could not  attend  for  all the wrong reasons .....grief  being one ...anger  being  two .....and  unresolved issues  spanning  back   from a long time  .....but  to  me  an addict  or  a thief is  never  ever  cure  ....just in remission ......i personally think its a choice .....but thats perception....

My  journey to visit my mother is hospital.....was not  my most happiest ....but  necessary .....journey  as my mother  was  tired ..and  fed up  .....due to  circumstances  that caused  her  to be  in the hospital .....

i personally  did not  like the  town we  moved to  from  Glasgow  as it is  depressing ....one of the most  in Scotland .....however ....certain people have  done wrong to my mother .....which  i  think personally ...made her unhappy .....and when your in  your  80's and fed  up  .....you kind of  wonder  ...if  certain people  don't  care then why should you .......

i spent   6  days in  Scotland  going  to visit my mother every day in hospital ......because that was the  sole  reason for  going to  see  her .....i had  never  seen my mother so upset and jaded  with life  ...she  was always  a fighter ....and  in the  6 days i was  there (and i was  told  that  was  not  good  enough)......my mother  was tired  and fed  up  ......

I  knew this would be the last time i would see my mother ....sadly .........i am still trying to process the whole  thing ...mixed with  upset anger  and hatred     caused by  abuse  of stealing  money and  pills from my mother .....anyone that's steals  from a  mother or father i do not  consider   family  ....even if you  pretend  you care ......

once  a thief and a liar........  always a thief  and  a  liar......... the apple   never  falls  from the tree ....what makes  me  angry is  certain people  who  call themselves  family ........ say they  were treated like sons  by my mother ......well you have  to ask  if my parents taught these  people  why do they   steal ....my parents  never  taught me  this ....

my mother and  father  had great  hearts...... and  even  took over  form a  woman  who was a barley manageable  parent....... and could not  function  without  lying ..stealing  ....not to mention persecuting my father  ....even into retirement ........which he  should have  enjoyed ....but was denied  this  privilege ...due  to  selfishness .....lying .....dishonesty .....and  enviousness ...in sibling rivalry ......

when someone  cannot even  have  the decency to let  someone  be  helped  by medical experts ....... and  cannot understand  someones  illness ...... and have  a  illness  them self ......and  cannot even  raise  kids  ..because the importance of having  a spotless  house  which no one  visits  ....................

its always  easier to lie than tell the truth .........trouble is it  catches up with you ......