Throwing a dinner party is one of my favorite weekend activities. Because I’m a weirdo (and, OK, a food editor and culinary school graduate), I tend to go a little overboard, planning the menu far in advance, making some dishes the day before, and just generally preparing too much food. I try to get as much done ahead of time as possible because I want to feel like I have everything under control once my guests arrive.
Where I feel like I have very little control is ending said dinner party. Picture this: dessert is over. It's late, I’m tired, and there is a mountain of dishes waiting in the kitchen (obviously, considering I went overboard with the menu). But, my lovely guests are lingering…and lingering…and lingering.
Related: Even Ina Garten Gets Nervous About Throwing Dinner Parties—Here’s How She Makes Hosting Less Stressful for Herself
I never want to be rude, but sometimes dropping hints or inserting a well-timed yawn just doesn’t work to nudge guests out the door. (There have been nights when I’ve been tempted to cue up the song “Closing Time”.) I started wondering, what do hosting experts say or do when they’re ready for the night to be over?
Meet Our Expert
A Few Quick Scripts
I knew one of the first people to consult would be host extraordinaire Dan Pelosi, author of Let's Party. In fact, he addresses this etiquette conundrum head-on in his book:
When you’re ready for the party to be over, nicely tell everyone to leave. My go-to announcement is, “This has been SO fun, but it’s approaching my bedtime.” Most people will be relieved and ready to make their exit. The “party never ends” crowd will keep it going somewhere else.
I love Pelosi’s direct approach, but even more, I love that he gave me a script! So did Alexis deBoschnek, author of Nights and Weekends. "I’ll tap my husband and say, ‘We should let these guys go to bed,’ which is really saying politely that we’re tired, and it’s time to wrap up. Everyone immediately gets it, and it typically results in laughter and friends scurrying out the door with no hard feelings."
Jake Cohen, author of Dinner Party Animal, shares a strategy that isn’t a script, but an action. “I’ll just start cleaning up, and people will take the hint,” he says. “My other go-to is to start offering and packing up leftovers. Once friends have their to-go box, they always bounce!”
Peter Som, author of Family Style, says he's all about the subtle cues, such as slowly lowering the music and gently brightening the lights. "If those visual and audio hints don’t quite land, I’ll add a small yawn followed by, 'Well, this was so fun—thanks everyone for coming!’ Works like a charm every time."
These are excellent ideas, and I could see having all of them in my back pocket to use depending on the specific crowd and scenario.
A Foolproof Three-Step Process
But, for real times of need, Beth Le Manach, author of Entertaining 101, gave me her detailed steps for ending the evening, once and for all—politely, of course.
Step 1 - Wait until there's a pause in the conversation, she says, like after everyone has had a good laugh, and the laugh starts to wind down. “Then lean forward, clap your hands in a gentle cupping fashion, and pr
