welcome to my monthly blog,it is for no other reason as to keep people posted on my whereabouts ..................
Disclaimer
due to the unfortunate circumstance and times we live in if you are easily offended ,do not like what you hear ,live in fear ,scared of everything ,do not like to read anything other than green grass and daffodil stories ,scared out of your mind post 9/11,hate gossip,and generally have the self esteem of a frightened ,bi polar ,drug addicted mental case with no aspirations and the personality of a dung fly ...then these blogs are not for you and you should just read the first line and leave ,my opinions are based soley on my views and what i see and has no regards to any one else as i pay for this website and it is the views of international hippie and no else .........
these blogs are mere to inform you on what the
hell is going on in my life ,it serves a couple of purposes ,both of which has no monetery value , and the other part is for curious people who want something to read .or whatever.my website is not a money machine or a place to sell you shitty products that end up in a flea market or yard sale and sell for nickels and dimes .....its just a website a place where unusual goings on and things and information.thats it.....time to time i will be ranting ,taking pics whining ,moaning bitching and letting members of the public know what the fuck i am doing ,maybe have some really bizarre shit for sale ,and maybe some products that might stimulate the mind ,if thats your thing......anyways it will be a monthly rant and update of whatever the hell i can find to whine and bitch about and hurl insults at the globe.so here it is my monthly blog ...much like a period without the bloating,aspirin ,whining and shouting ,and throwing shit at people and no mess involved so enjoy what the hell it is i might ever be ranting about ...................
welcome to internationalippie 2008 monthly blog
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January ...i always say that if january is good ,it is a good indication that the rest of your year is going to be really good .....that seems to be a thing prevelant in my life anyways so i closed a few chapters in my life in january and one is my legal status in the US....finally i got that door closed ,it was much like sand in the crotch of your bathing suit ...really irritating ,but with much money and the help of a really good attorney Timothy Spridgeon of tampa....the "G" man as he is known...he is dam good and took care of business ,and sorted out all the things that i needed to move forward ...much thanx to him with his ingenuity and his expertise in getting the job done and fixing my shit ,i cannot thank him enough ,as it was a fight ,and homeland security really gave me a run for my money ...literally (no kidding )but time to move on and get things put together ,07 was a turbulent year and i had a major heart surgery ,getting back in the groove was interesting to say the least,worth it as i owe my life to the Pepin Heart Institute of Tampa Florida ....yep !!!!!those people really do know hearts ,and thanks to them i am alive and kicking like a mule and managing to tell the tale ......cardivascualr surgeon Richard morrison ,and cardiologist Doctor Mitchell O'hara....(if there is not an irish name what the hell is ),these two great minds diagnosed me and found out that is was at a place called shit street ..believe me i have been a tourist many times and shit street is not a great place to visit....they combine their skills and put my heart back together.....unfortunately i had something in common with an actor called John Ritter....an anhuerism....only that poor son of a bitch dies i got away not good when you are diagnosed as you are going to croak ,but to cut a long story short ,i got another chance ,thanx to Pepin Heart Institute,Dr morrison and Dr O'hara....now i am out of shit street and very grateful ,with a re-built heart and legal issues under the rug for good ,i am embracing 08 with a great deal of enthusiasm and feel what a great year it will be ..........just to let you know .i am pretty dam sure the patriots will win the super bowl again .it seems strange that the patriots have won since the super bowl of 9/11 and held that title.....maybe patriot has something is the name ...who knows .who cares.....................................
Well it is the end of january and this month has gone fast ,,i am already seeing valentines day bullshit everywhere ,i got to tell you these corporate bastards at hallmark are the lowest of the low these people print cards for anything or anyone ,and how they charge five bucks for a piece of paper fries my tomatoes .
i am looking forward to february ,although it is a short month ,only by a day or two,of course if you want to make time last longer you can fly to continents on a plane and get more hours out of your day ,of course you may be a jetlagged son of a bitch, but hey if you can afford to do it then you have all the time in the world ......
i am looking forward to my stint in the uk .....meeting up with an old friend in london ,should be a rip, then off to scotland ,it will be cold and the welders for the brass monkies should be greeting me at the airport acetylene torch in hand ,hopefully these guys do speak english and are not from some far off land ....i am really looking forward to meeting my friend from primary school ... ...that will be great ....visiting my hometown of glasgow and enjoying some scottish cuisine......mind you that in itself is a strange culinary delight ,unless they have come up with some new hybrid form a chef ,who has a name that you cannot spell because its all z's x's and y's and hyphens ,but mainly scottish food is bland and peasant,i am really excited to bring back my favourite sweet,(or candy as americans will call it ) it is a starnge sweet called oddfellows and it is the most amazing thing ever ,that and of course "Barrs irn -bru,which incidently the russians love with their vodka ....so february here i come and more things will be coming to my website ,although right now i am being really lazy and concentrating too much time on american idol,the apprentice ,and playstation ......
February
Well february has arrived like fresh baked pizza through the double swing doors of an italian restaruant........in other words it smells good .....Let me add one thing i was wrong about the super bowl....my predictions were way off as i know absolute shit about NFL ....i probably know about as much as the NFL as i do about thermonuclear radioactive fusion...hey....... thats absolute shit...but i went with the hype on the bowl ....the only bowl in am interested in is the one that contains my cereal the rest .... who cares ....i do love tennis ....and thats why i love to play and watch ....something for everyone on this globe ......I am trying to trim down all my posessions...and the weirdest crap of all the more i try and get rid off the more comes my way ....i am not pack rat ...far from it ,but i really seem to be missing something... i am,trying to get rid of it at the flea markets ....which incidently is fun way to spend weekend ,watching people and listening to tales of woe and despair .....seems to be more despair and woe these days ..........i guess the economy is in bad shape ,i find it amazing that people come to flea market to just look at things ...not sure why someone in their right state of mind would take day to come and just look at somone elses shit because people look at things for pittance and then they decide they cannot buy it ......so why do people go places to look at things and not buy them ,i find this complete waste of time ,i only go to shop to buy something thats why they are there for convenience ,unless people are so totally bored out of their cranium that they have nothing better to do than go and look at shit i have never allowed my mind that luxury i would rather sit at coffee shop and drink coffee and watch people ...free sideshow .....anyways hallmark you know that ass wipe spineless sterile nasty trashy card making people ,well they must be licking their fat corporte lips as valentines day approaches ,these people do take the piss manipulating the whole lovey dovey thing,the pressure for someone to go and buy gawdy landfill plastic cheap made sweat shop garbge that will end up in lingerie drawer...is such a waste....buying all that gawdy shite.....if you can only express your love with gawdy trinket.....then you really do not know nothing about relationships........
as we approach valentines day the corporate leeches are already stacking the shelves with cheap shitty chinese sweat shop goods that the white man buys from slave driving oriental bosses,or maybe even spineless white bosses ,who prey on the uneducated and iliterate....much like the americans who preyed on the indians ....you know the real americans ...only now to find out that the white man is playing poker at the indian mans tables.........hmmmmm!!!reversal of fortune and the indians are laughing all the way to the bank with the white mans money........who incidently are sore losers especially in the name of gambling ....who would have thought that these good old boys banishing those very spiritual people to lands that no one wanted would end up with an empire that is so wealthy ....(and tx free )you may think by reading this blog i am indeed giving the white man a bad rap .....well then you are right as i am scottish and white myself ,i do understand the atrocities to what the white man does to people......very evident to see how they screwed over the blacks,aboriginies,indians,just to mention a few ,oh and all the tribes in the amazon and various tribal nations of the world ...........but of course we have the right to wander into other peoples, places and take over ,well i got to be honest i love the fact the the indians are running shit in the gambling industry and taking the white mans money .....and they have white people working for them on the payroll grovelling for a living ....be careful of who you fuck over in this life ...it may come back and bite you in the ass.....anyways valentines day and all these corporate slave bosses churning out cheap nasty plastic mass produced junk,mostly for the stupid white man to buy' to give to his very low self esteemed ,needy greedy insecure untrusting girlfriend /wife/mistress,we all know that mistress deal, the married men ...they all cheat only in a diffrent state when they say they are away on a business conference .....if people need to travel to another city to do business, it is an excuse to get away from the wife and kids so he can pork the secetary or whore or employee in the hotel without any problems .....we all know that business meetings can be done in cyber space now .so that is all shit with corporations .so if you are too lazy to think original and go and buy some cheesy ass tacky shit ....then you are promoting sweat shop slavery,of course what the hell do you care as long as you get a piece of ass and do not have to think ....you can save that for the next business trip you are on.................
Scotland
well scotland has changed a lot and not for the better ....it has inherited the corporate ,sterile,mundane safe ways ,and the laws there are ridiculous ,Scotland was once a brave nation ,but from my short stint there i have noticed there is no fight ,people have accepted these pathetic laws and ways put upon them ....at least i will say this for the french people they do not mess around ....these buggers rally around fast and stand up for their shit.
i think there seems to a new breed of scot that has overtaken the old one ,because either that i might be missing something.....you cannot shout profanities at a footbal match ,because people get offended .well boo hoo sob for those thin skinned people who do not get out in the streets at night.....,and this is just to mention one of the ridiculous changes ,..its absurd ,since when did scottish people lose their bottle,( mind you there are some who flew under the radar and my congrats to you )they were a nation of fighters......and now these people are aceepting all these crazy new laws are they too busy to go and protest ,...or have they become brainwashed and complacent....god knows ....the week i was there i thought i was in america ....the american parasite has encroached upon the people of europe....america is the icon of corporate spineless,sterile fear ridden rotunda ....and throw a fat nation riddled with pain pills,and alchohol abuse ,and you have a country that is a huge mess .people in the USA do not give a rats ass as long as they have it their way .....(was macdonalds right or what ) this is a truly toxic polluting mass ,and it is spreading its venom to the rest of the world ,and they are loving it , what other country would go to war with another country that does not have an air force ) not sure why....i have the utmost respect for the french on their ideas ,they will not be shit upon thats for sure ,and i think the reason most people despise the french is they are jealous of them ......people are losing their rights every single day and they are doing nothing about it ,with their kids and lifestyle peoples hands are tied ....its shameful and disturbing .......all these people that watch the movie braveheart ...which was a historical abolition if i ever saw one ....mel gibson is a self absorbed douchbag and has no identity,but the words freedom rang out ....much like the movie these will be just words ,people are selling out faster than a japanese commuter ,and soon scotland will be much like the disgusting rotunda that america has become ....by the way all you scots who have found a way to fuck over the system please take time to congratulate yourself and find somone to pat you on the back .......
well february has flown by us ....and what i do see is that celebratiion garbage is piled on the supermarket shelves earlier these day .....like easter ,valentines day,and what any other celebration that the corporate asswipes can make a buck on ....here the superbowl is a big event ....well it is a pile and the beef barons and the beer barons sit back and lick their lips as the shitkickers and macho fucker with the fat guts and the asscrack grill and spill all the way through a really stupid fucking game ......it is ass grabbing jock shit much like the cowboy shit i have no time for it ...and if you do not like what i have to say on my blog ....then simply fuck off........ you are not paying my bills ...and i do not need your ideas ....americans steal ideas from other countries and people ...they are fucking pure and simple thieves ....all the comedy shows that america has came from europe ....american football was originally rugby....baseball was rounders .....hey that was mainly a girly fucking game so go figure....and basketball they nicked that too ....and why is it called football the ball is kicked rarely and they run around with and egg shape padded like little bitches rugby has no padding ........mind you the guys have no ears and teeth but there you go comes with the territory......football is a skilled game ...and for you who think football is the giants or whoever no it is soccer which is a stupid name ...this is a game of skill and all senses are used ....american football really is not skillfull fill any pigfarmer full of steroids give him a few million and a trophy bimbo whore ....and voila!!!! you have an NFL sport icon......its amazing what you can buy with a few million..oh yes and throw in half a kilo of chewing tobacco ....so that that the dentist can get some of his so called hard earned cash .......and then you see these dumb fuck low self esteemed ass grabbing steroid ridden monkies on MTV cribs with a bimbo showing of his double sub zero refrigirator ...with appropriately placed corprorate drink and alchohol ...subliminal advertising shit ....yes you do not get these millionaires giving up time to save dying children ...sure there are a few ...but it is not enough to make a diffrence ....of course a bentley does attract a gold digging whore to a man with a low self esteem and so does a fat paycheck ...if you need a bentley to be liked then you are so shallow you could not simply drown in your own saliva ..................
MARCH
THE PLANT CITY STRAWBERRY FESTIVAL
march is upon us and spring is here , yes and the plant city starwberry festival has arrived ,i am usually a cynical piece of shit and cannot tolerate much especially....... a large gathering of human being waiting in lines for cheap shitty souvenirs ,but i have got to say plant city has something great to offer ,an abundance of strawberries........even a whining fucker like me can also succumb to the pleasures of a great fruit, such as the strawberry....what a great sensual food it is ,and also the celebration of a city that is the strawberry capital of Florida ..what more could one ask for .......then to add to that they have concerts ,i decide to go to the , which i thought was a really cool concert starring none other than a 70' mega supertsar himself Tom Jones....this guy is 67 and has the greatest voice which i myself think, has only gotten better .the show was phenomional and the asking price was $10.......wow!!!!! what the hell can you really get for $10 2day nothing .,zip ...nada ......and this was indeed a great show .....it was a great start to march and will be submittintg pics of the event........so far this year has been off to a great start.......people reading my blogs may think i bitch and moan a lot ....well i do , i am also a full blown antagonist and hate things like corporations and the american and english governments ...why because they are full of shit and backstabbing assholes.....no offence to my english friends, but the english government is as bad as the yank one......but i must not stray from the topic in hand .the strwberry festival thank god for illegal aliens, who would pick that many fucking strawberries not white macho american men ...thay would be too proud to do that sort of thing ...well you might think i am picking on white macho american men ,and their egos .....yes well i am ....mexicans are hard workers and treated like shite by those pig fucking farmers and their mumbling .farmers are always pleading fucking poverty.......... hey sell your fucking tractor or SUV fat boy and shut the fuck up ......its okay for mexicans to cut the lawn and pick fruit but do not let them get educated or they might do a better job than their white counterparts....mexicans are treated like dirt and as long as they pick fruit they are welcome in the usa .....you may think i am sympathising with the mexican community ....hell no i am just saying how the fuck would they have a strawberry festival without the sweat of the immigrant workers so my hats off to the people that make the festival possible .......it was indeed a great day out and thoroughly enjoyed the fruits of their labour ......many people really patriotically believe in the american values, and they wave the flag .....but americans do not have rights ,they have privileges ...and they are losing than faster than a congressman will lose his pants in a japanese sauna...meanwhile congress is making illegal immigration taboo in places where it suits them ,i am sure if the dept of homeland security really stood by what their policies read ...then why is the hamptons in new york overrun with illegal immigrants ...i will tell you ...its because the white rich people of surrounding areas need schleps to do the dirty work that people in the hamptons would consider menial for them....i mean the wealth in the hamptons is nauseating and you can see why this is the way it is ........oh and by the way...........doctor phil is becoming real pain in the ass,does this guy ever do anything wrong..do not forget he is oprahs ,bitch ...well known fact...beware of the person that tries to make you believe, that they are all good ,this is impossible,anyone know there has to be a perfect balance ,people that are famous have more problems the the people who pound the pavement everyday.....and still believe to this day lance armstrong is a cheating bastard......................
why is it wherever i go there is a child crying in my lugs ..is there a group of people on cell phones call each other up and take their kids to places to cry and scream.and then they stand there and do nothing .....parents nowadays are more of a pain in the ass than ever...with their dumbass shit ,yes if you are going to open your legs and pop out brats...have the decency to take them outside and let then bawl and scream in the fucking parking lot .....i have shit to do ,and making my ears bleed in a task will get you a mouthful......there seems to be a growing trend in stupidity or maybe florida is the capital of fucking dumbasses...maybe all that sunshine rots the fucking brain....anyways if you are stuck in the snow ....tough shit ,thats what you get for living in polar bear country ........nothing grows in the snow and its bloody cold .....all i can say is i will be going to the pool this afternoon so i will be thinking about all the people going to work.......
ST PATRICKS DAY
well it is that time of year again................green beer,cabbage and corned beef,flammable green hats, and every one saying...top o the morning to ya.....well if you ever go to ireland ,not everyone says top o the morning to ya ,in fact ireland is like every other city ,full of people going to work to pay fucking bills, it is not all irish spring soap and wee guys with pockets full of lucky charms ,but the tooth fairy is never there either.....if anyone really knows that st pat was actually scottish and really mythical......but hey its way to fleece the average joe out of his money .....after he finances the war with his taxes ....you know the one that people pay tax on to kill and maim children in foreign land and support president who has killed thousands ,but hey thats all in the name of war....like this and i will say it again ,if everyone stopped buying into the bullshit and got balls and stood up against the shit the goyernment would not treat americans like dirt....if everyone had the balls to stop using their cars for one day the oil companies would feel the pinch ,but everyone is too bloody selfish .........anyways st paddys day....this is one of the most nuaseating days in america where everyone in the neighbourhood is irish even the islams, turks and blind people....never really sure what the attraction to being irish is but it is frowned upon in the uk .....but as americans feel the need to indentify with something ....why not america.....blows my mind .....mind you being american might be embarrassing as they are the king of thieves and fuck ups they really never had successfully done war right and ..have bad track record at most things although in all fairness american patriotism does ring out when it suits the yeeha crowd who find any excuse to guzzle down beer and some wings all in the name of patriotism ..........right....if people stopped to celebrate life as american they might be dissapointed and actually see what the country is doing to them poisoning them and taking away their rights...maybe it is better that they do celebrate a mythical charmer who was really never irish ....because the alterntive may lead them to drink even harder.................
Easter sunday.
like sundays are not boring enough ,you have to go and pretend you like the family on a sunday....i know there will be a few of you spineless individuals who will be disagreeing with me ..because you are pussy whipped and have to disagree ....or your wife will make your life miserable ......i have the luxury of saying those things because i did not get my spine sucked out my body...Easter sunday like all the holidays is a pile of shit ...sure you can call me cynical .....but it is the religious people who are obligated to get out of their otherwise comfortable beds on a sunday and schlep all the way to church...........let me tell you sunday is a day of rest.says so in the bible ...so you should be resting your hangover or whatever the hell that you done the night before ....so it is a religious contradiction in its own terms ........sundays is a day of rest ,but you schwinehunds do what the hell you are told ...meanwhile ............march is wrappping up and we are bouncing into spring ......meanwhile 4,000 soldiers have now died in iraq...well i hope you people that voted in george bush are really proud of yourselves he is nothing more than a cold blooded piece of shit ....... and ll you people that voted for him are as guilty of the deaths of all who have been needlessly slaughtered in another vietnam....this war like every war america has went into.... is a failure ...clear and simple ....america should stick to what it does best....... and that is the superbowl....they are good at nothing else...oh...and selling guns to third world countries .......the best thig that was ever good about america was elvis presley ...yes fiolks thats it elvis ............thank you very much .........
April
Here we are april already.......one quarter has flown by ....but this is good because we are in spring mode .so i believe ...but fuck it it is alwats summer on my planet.....like say get on with it....i will soon be making my pilgrimage back across the pond to visit some close friends and relatives ,as much to my dissapointment the only blood relative i had here turned out to be nothing more than a liability ...so we move on and find out how the family dysfunctional system works ....who said blood was thicker than water ....well these day that does not seems to be the case....the generation seems to be weaker as we progress ,or maybe one expects too much from a family member who really does not care ....april is great right on the doortsep of summer yummy ......time to get out to the waves and make use of the ocean ....looking forward to using the pool where i live ......as i have been away from fort lauderdale for nearly three years i will be returning back to live .....Tampa offers nothing culturly and is void of decent living arts it does try but you would think with the affluent poeple that reside here they would give a dam .but no because as long as they are satisfied the AJ can go shit in the woods ....Tampa was founded by corrupt people and maintains its distinctive inheritant badness it really offers nothing for the intellectual person ....unless your idea oif intellectuality is screaming at stadium and pushing high fat salty burgers and beer down your gullet at a second rate sporting event then tampa loves you.....the city center after 5pm is like a ghost town there is a few second rate restaraunts ...but of you have no taste buds then you will be in heaven .....the place is always desolate a few drunks stagger around the infamous hub bar and occasionally there will be crowds from some events ....but they quickly go to thier cars and head home to the safety of their houses ...because they have to get up for work and sell their souls....
April continued
it is getting close to summer once again ...and soon we will be in april ...will soon be the time to leave the dustbowl kown as florida ....dont get me wrong it is okay for the winter and great to get away ....but the summers here are hotter than a las vegas whorehouse....and if you have nowhere to run to then it sucks ...i will be departing soon for this hell like inferno....by the way all these women from the latter day saint compound ...these are some pretty ugly nasty broads ,i am really surprise that anyone in their right mind could inseminate such and ugly individual ....still, i guess when you are desperate and lonely you will entertain a wilderbeast.....and by the way shame on tha baldy dumbass doctor phil bailing out one of those little whores that beat the girl up on video ........i thought those christians opposed violence ....oh i forgot he needed the ratings
plant city
plant city ,florida ,this place never seems to stop amazing me ,on a trip there saturday ,there was a ,a great entertainer for las vegas called toni capuzzi ( i hope i got the name right),as i am a total seventies junkie and loved the whole enetrainment spectrum in this era ,i was amazed to see a man impersonate the legendary tom jones whom i just saw in plant city in ,at the plant city strawberry festival, i got to say , this was hosted in the "red rose ballroom" and elegant beautiful expensive cabaret restaraunt the polo lounge ,it was similar to a las vegas lounge which made it even more fun ,this man did an amazing performance and any man that can have a bunch of woman on stage and get them excited ,has game as far as i am concerned ,it was a great evening and my friend jay ,while slightly inebreated .made the whole event more fun and,seventies performers were the best ever ,and those people that imitate them and make a great living at it to these days ,i give them mad props in every way not only did he sound like the great entertainer tom jones he looked like him ......well done and thank you for getting the women crazy.....
MAY
well here we are in may already ...it is getting really bloody hot here in sunny florida a stick,messy rotunda filled with shopping malls and foreclosures....hey the winters are great although you need to be somehwre like fort lauderdale which is marginally better than tampa,although a run down rat infested condemed overflowing shit infested mosquito,dung flyridden abandoned toilet would be better than tampa ,still it might get better one day,it is not so much tampa as the residents that make this shithole the shithole it is ...if you are easily pleased with the lack of cultural integrity and the mindless ,retardation that is symbionic with a shit kicking county ,then tampa is paradise .......
may continued ...........
well here i am in sunny fort lauderdale...it is hotter than ghandis flip flops here and bizarrely enough i see no recession here everyone tells me there is no money.......yet as i stroll down the world famous las olas boulevard ....let me interject by this world famous theory shit....... how does one get world famous ..i have seen in my travels joes hot wings world famous ....is there two zulus sitting on a mud pile sharpening their spears while conversing about joes famous hot wings....how far does word travel before it becomes world famous .......is there two lithuanians in a bar getting hammered and talk about joes really great fucking wings ...so why the bullshit all one needs to know is joe does fucking wings .........so as i was straddling leisurely down las olas boulevard ...which is my normal speed and taking in the crap ...... i noticed bentleys ,ferraris and all exotic cars so where is the recession here .....i guess there is still money here in fort lauderdale as there is old money maybe i am not paying attention to the yuppie in the armani suit...ravaging through the dunkin donuts dumper on federal highway.........just kidding ....i do like south florida like in smalll doses ....although fort lauderdale is deifintely the utopia of of narcasissm,and the what about me factor smells worse than a boat load of crab on a hot sunny florida day....the vast majority of women in fort lauderdale are shamelssly veneer and fake and their helium whiny voices are,in par with a cat running its claws down a chalkboard....i myself say blackboard but as we live in very insecure and very weak times i have to for the weak meek and insecure say chalkboard .....and you know those pussies run screaming that i have racial undertones in my blogs ......oh well people will find any reason to sue anyone as they are like little bitches .....soon that terminology will be outlawed and we will not be able to say that it will be replaced by the word women who cannot handle shit while pms at the same time ......well like i say go fuck yourself ....this is why my blog is paid for by me and no other lowlife .....i will be departing fort lauderdale soon my time is done here and it is so hot...but better that than whining about how cold it is ...and not to say the heat does mean women do wear less.....which for a porker like me....its all good....
FORT LAUDERDALE
i have just returned form fort lauderdale,i did not see signs of a recession biting down on the residents there ,maybe i was not looking for it ,i did see plenty restaraunts full lots of people drinking and a very busy hard rock hotel ,which is far superior to its shitkicker cousin in tampa ...... which looks like shit compared to the FL monstrosity..it is nothing more than a spewing rotunda of drunks ......gamblers....and ...and a nonstop food conveyor belt......what the hell would people do if you took away those priorities from the weekend warriors ......how would they cope i wonder .......if people in america did not have the social integration of food and alchohol would they manage ..because we all know....the average white male , cannot dance unless he is liquored out of his skull .and does not have the abilty to get laid unless he woos the bimbo with a meal and get her oiled ....thats not rocket science ....it must be a cultural thing ...if you take a few moments out of your existence to people watch and look around you ...you do see what extents the male species will go to to get a piece of ass a from a girl/bint/skank/ho/stripper/entertainer/or whatever category you decide she may fall into,this would also depend on where you go and where you live ...you have many choices,but in my observations i did notice men walking around places like las olas ,downtown broward ...and the beach ,wining,dining,and walking around afterwards with the female and having to listen to rhetoric...all in the hope of getting ass ....it amazes me the length people will go to and the shit they will put up with to get laid , i am not sure if women have the monoply on torturing men ,but having to go through that crap to get ass is tedious ,but i guess the business underbelly of this pastime is what makes places like bars and restaraunts thrive ,it makes me wonder if people could not do this what would they do .......i find it nauseatiung to watch a pretty women inhale orally..... pieces of bovine carcass tumbling around in her face ...maybe it is something i witnessed and was traumatised as a child who know....as i am not a great lover of any culinary delights in or there of maybe i am missing smoething...most people would not know a good meal if it raped them in a wal-mart parking lot....as only less than two percent of the entire population have gourmet taste buds and most,ruin their taste buds with alchohol and smoking anyways...but all in all, fort lauderdale is a magnet for all as it offers a lot more than any other place i have been.....it definetely has the hottest ratio of women to anywhere in USA (apart from miami,california) .....and one thing i will say is that for lauderdale sea front has been ruined with too many condos and shitty restaraunts ..... that are trying so hard to look like south beach ......there is only one south beach...but in all fairness there is one act that has been on both south beach and fort lauderdale beach for many years and that is the unmistakable sound of Alex Fox......there has been many impersonators of this man who simply is the best guitar player..i saw him many years ago on miami beach and he draws so many people that they block the road,i am sure he is from spain,but not only does he drive the crowds wild ...he also has a hot female dancers who really make his performance that more amazing ,because his flamenco /fusion/latin/disco....gets the crowd going...and a place on fort lauderdale beach has snagged this musical genuis,rumour has it he plays in monte carlo in wintertime .....not a bad gig /lifestyle...and of course he has a restaraunt in miami beach i have heard through the grapevine,cafe del mar (the old amazingly wonderful Evangeline restaraunt)....now has the musical enetertainment of alex fox and he has the place going nuts ...i think that is the only entertaining spot of the beach the rest is merely an pasta and the usual food that you need to feed drunk tourists......the manager of casa del mar snagged alex fox and what a great job he did in putting in a star act to grab revellers and hotties into the restaraunt....nice one arturo....i have absolutely no complaints about that whole gig ......fort lauderdale i will certainly be moving back there one day as tampa is a total dump ....but like everywhere else you make your own fun ...although i have yet to find any decent fun in tampa .........
SCOTLAND
well i have left the dungheap that they call flroida and opted for yarrow valley, in scotland unlike other parts this place is unspoiled and is beautiful i will be taking residence here for the mo, until further notice thats for sure ...it is serene and all the bollocks that go with serenity, and thats just dandy and not the book either ..only if you are scottish may you get this one and maybe if you are a scottish comic reader but who gives a shit anyways so ,summertime in the mountains ........cannot say fairer to that and much thank you blessing to the man himself ronnie morrison for the opporchancity(this is a scottish terminology used frequently by glaswegians).......will keep you posted on the details and events of summmertime.....the last day of the month,and it is officially hurricane season in florida ,oh well i guess i will miss the hurricanes huh !!!!!!!dammit what i would give to be in a hurricane......(only if i smoked cracked)....no i am here in Bonnie Scotland (and may i reiterate the beautiful part)......so june is upon us already hard to imagine that we are already half way though the year .....
well the hotel is great i am doing all sorts of things here ,and one of them is at the bar ,the less populated a place is the more intriguing a bar seems to get,especially at this one ,friday i had a group of cyclist ,who have been cycling many, many, many, miles,my idea of cycling is to the corner store and back,guess i have been in florida way to long,but it was a fun group and very interesting,also i have learned that the cycle business is very complicated ,expensive and ,scientific,thats only because i bought mine form wal-mart, already assembled ,by some chinese guy who is shackled to a machine while his kids are beaten by some sweat shop owner........... in a chinese country that you cannot spell because the dam place has too many x and fricking y,s in the name,..............anways the money involved in this business is big as i was informed by my residents who stayed the night after a long journey ,i must admit positively i envy somone that can ride all day and still manage to walk or even sit,after all day on a bike ,good for the mind and body i bet....i thoroughly enjoyed their stay......so welcome june with open arms ,and why wouldn't i am away from the hurricane zone ..... hee hee snicker,good luck flroida,there is something to be said about the scottish air especially here.....more stories form my escapades in the valley ....by the way added note the next time you scoff into your chinese meal ....please take the time to note even if you are drunk or sober which mostly would be drunk in scotland ,all the rice in china is propagated with fecal matter in the water from the cities ....so next time you are having egg foo young .....you might be getting more of the youngs than just the name ....it might be mister and missus youngs dung in your stir fry....national geographic has this tendency to put articles of interest in their mag,..........and gladly so as i used to get a chinese every now and then ......... and i am not talking about a woman i mean the meal ( although i will span the anatomy of the likes of lucy lu that is the hottest piece of chinese ass i have seen in many years ).....so next time you eat a bowl of rice you might be getting a family to eat with you .......
JUNE
as i rant like a pig stuck in the turnstiles of the farmers gate ...i feel it lets me get off steam ...although ..i am never stressed at any given time i just love to write and rant and rave not sure why it fills in the space of time between looking for things of interest or a pause between meals ...i guess it does 'nt matter..so june is here holy crap!!!!!!!...it is half the year gone ...although i do say it has been a year to remember i hope i have many more like this one ..i must say that where i am in the valley i have met more interesting people.in the last week ,than i have met in tampa in two years .....tampa is a colonic tract ...mainly people go to publix ,library ,do things with their kds like go to publix and shop...incidently i wil never understand for the life of me .....why men like to enjoy the fruits of supermarket shopping with their wives ....the only reason i like supermarket shopping is they usually have someone cooking something on a weekend ,or i am shit out of food and hate to go take away .or there is a really hot women walking up and down the wine isle....thats it i have no other interest in a supermarket...sometimes although i get the candy and eat it while i am shopping ...this last week in the valley i have met some really interesting people...i think the reason is because
it is so far out the way that only really interesting people could live or take the time to find out where the hell it is ...this week i have an array of people from a 23 year old french canadian au-pair who had been to switzerland her name was maude and found her very intriguing and bubbly...she informed me of her escapades into the world of the swiss elite ...which incidently does not intrigue me in the least ....as i have known for a long time that swiss people truly believe their fecal by product does not smell...and i was graced with the presence of a couple who stayed the night and the man was welsh while his other half was german ..not only that they arrived with two extremely lively sheepdogs ..which incidently they understood her german and the welsh man....they were undoubtedly a really cool couple and i found out that there was more to the world of sheepdogs ...than just a whistle and a few sheep...there are something like 42 countries involved if i heard correctly and ,we are truly blessed in the valley with a sheepdog herding champion ...incidently the scottish wool council only pays 30 pence a kilo for wool.......well here is my take on this ..why the fuck does a pringle jumper ( favoured by elite hooligans ) ....cost so fricking much ....are the sheep owned by the chelsea head hunters ....i would hope so .....although i tend to doubt that most chelsea fans would be involved in the world of sheepherding or things thereof ....some fisherman stopped by from sunderland and informed me the st mary loch refused them a few fish for their endeavoours to the valley ..although they thoroughly enjoyed the game ..so all was not wasted .....more eposides to follow in the valley......
shakespeare live
close to my residence there is a place historical house ,there is a load of history attached to this beautiful place , where they host events all the time ...i was fortunate to be invited to a performance of shakespeares merry widows ,indeed not only is this an amazing place but the play takes on the grounds of the house ,and you stand while the play is going on around you....now i myself think shakepseare was way ahead of himself much like most of the poeple of them days,the actors were amazing who performed the merry widow ,i have never seen such living arts like this especially on really historical grounds but i was informed they had many more more things like this in tracquir house ....you really cannot believe the intensity of a shakespeare play when you have it going on right besides you in such a historical setting ,this is one event i shall certainly hold in my mind and for the measly fee of £10 ..this is truly a bargain......
the fins visit scotland
it never ceases to amaze me that tourist that frequent scotland ,but i was blessed with the presence of two fins on high tech bikes ,not only were they real finnish they had actually driven the machines from finland ...what a journey not to mention how bloody cold it must have been ,these intense bikes were fast and really cool ,but so were the guests,i can barely drive from ft lauderdale to tampa ,never mind finland to scotland ,well all i can say is great to have you and what tourists they were ,enjoy the rest of the journey smo,and ari...and they had real finish flies and bugs embedded on the front of their bikes ,which i thought was really bloody cool bring dead bugs all the way from finland ......
my vistors to the valley have been diverse and really intriguing ..the range have spanned form a retired candian military diesel mechanic,who informed me that the moustache wax industry in very much a healthy profitable business ( due to the fact he was sporting one hell of a handle bar moustache) with world competitions ,to a cyclist who was en route to edinburgh ,who worked for the inbetween corporation ,it is a great place to work for ,katie stopped by for a break ....
JUNE
well june is almost over ,hard to believe we are in summer already they say time flies by when you are having fun....here is a thing ..who are they..i have heard this rhetoric in my life many times ...for example....they say time is a great healer ...does this mean that every watch comes with the ability to heal cuts and sores and herpes and veneral diseases...or if you rub your butt against a clock it will cure hemmarhoids....or they say time will tell...what the hell will it tell you ...that you have forgotten to take that oral contraceptive and now you have gotten knocked up by the boss who told his wife he was on a business trip with his assistant .....on corporate business ..well it is usually monkey business when a boss takes his secretary away on ..this folks is a no brainer....anyways .they say ....so who the hell are they who makes all these saying ...i find it really annoying that this terminology is used ,why do people not say that some old codger or drunk or relative or auntie or person told them... anways ...june the weather here is beautiful in scotland right ....the bar is open
@ the bar
chris has arrived from cambridge ,studying and all things educational have come to a grinding halt for the moment .why? because all things educational suck when it is summertime,and when you get the chance to split like a decomposed torso in a ditch ,you have to make the best of your free time ...and what better way to have fun than in the valley.....
there are always the ones
as there are many diverses and interesting people stop by the only kind that we do not like are the scumbags....you know the ones that will give you false ID'S run a bar tab and disappear (its bad enough being an english piece of shit but not being able to afford a room this makes these child molesters worse than a donkey raper from the countryside)
yes we had them visitors,i expect that these are insecure over feminine fruity mummies boys (incidently they were at least over 35 and balding )who really have nothing more to accomplish than doing a runner and probably they all shower together at mummies house...it was against my better judgement that to listen to the rantings and whining of three english assholes who were drunk .i have absolutely nothing against anyone either race colour creed or orientation ,but when you start to act like an asshole ,then all bets are off,but as i do not own the place ,i have to do what a normal hospitable person would do ..listen to idiots getting each other off ,with pseudo male,insecure low self esteem pranks ..i myself would personally entertain them with a high voltage cattle prod and three buckets of freezing cold water...this ensures a personal journey into curing the average asshole of his deeds...still live and learn ...there is the odd ensemble of imebas who still insist on raising the threshold of stupidity........................................
well june has almost ended ,and all you hear is the price of petrol(gas if you are an american ) wimbledon UEFA cup (soccer if your an american) and that son of a bitch robert mugabe what a wanker of the highest order ..i always wonder how fuckheads in life manage to attain such power.....like goerge w bush ,this guy has the mentality of a canker ridden dingo......the planet is bad enough state without these shitheads raping and pillaging whats left ....still we have wimbledon thats always a positive flow in the summer ....plenty champers and strawberries get swallowed there ....must admit as tennis is my favourite sport i cannot complain ...well soon be july more tales of whatever comes next
weekend in the valley
last couple of days of june ,and of course the weekend @ the bar in the valley..there was a car show in the local town ...but best of all i had lots of people stop by either for a cup of the old char, or the occasional beer or two .....this weekend saw the most diversified bunch of travellers/tourists/passers by, or weekenders i have seen .....first up there was the two brians and a chick,stopped by for a cuppa in their hightech sake burners,(for you who are not aware of what a sake burner is ...a very expensive ,highly colourful,expensive,high tech,very fast,sleek,really powerful piece of japanese motorcycle technology,)....i had the pleasure of their company for a while we they stopped off to re-fuel with some indian beverage (tea) ..as it was a rather chilly day i did admire the fact that they were dressed like a more expensive version of mad max ( if you have never seen mad max ..then you need to get a life)...had a good laugh ...also had a steeplejack and his wife and kid...with another one on the way...way more brave than i am ...also had the company of a translator from Edinburgh university and her friend who was an attorney....both extremely cute and intelligent,(wonderful combination for two women to have ) and was visted by four scientists who had escaped the microscopes and glass slides for a day in the valley,that is not a bad trade of at all ...i was interested to hear their take of some incurable diseases.....and also had three people stopped by for a drink ,and one of the chaps looked like harrison ford ,although he did not have the hat ,the whip and ally macbeal with him.so i knew for sure it was not him.but thoroughly ejoyed their banter at the bar...more installments to come .....last day of the month i was visited by 4 gamekeepers in the evening looking for some food who incidently had a magazine which i will publish a link to ....when i get round to that part of my website great bunch of chaps also at the bar at the same time was a swedish man on a recumbant bike on vacation getting away from the world of phish and chips..he was a compwiz also a lady and her sheepdog who was in training and a couple whose husband was a kiwi....great ecclectic bunch of people to round of an evening and a end of the month installment
1st july
what a great start to the crowd visiting ...first of we had two ladies who stopped by for tea and were involved in the world of trancandental meditation .........fascinating stuff stopped by for a cuppa...then i had the pleasure of three fellow glaswegians ...this indeed was fun not to mention the moment when one fellow glaswegian decided to sport a battle scar in the buttock region ..much to the displeasure of a car with an old chap and some old ladies at the very junction where they were in full view of a glaswegians ass....nowhere else could this have been possible as this is not a busy intersection ..but timing is everything and i can assure you this was a million pound moment ..this would have netted big money if caught on video...this indeed was a very funny moment and as my fellow glaswegian assured me this is one of those moments that always happens to him ...thanks for the hilarity ..... absolute sterling start to july thanks lads...
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